Basically, I feel like I should be allowed to play whatever I want in a tabletop game, but at the same time I feel like by never playing an old woman instead of an old man, I'm somehow a failure at upsetting the status quo. However, roleplaying is not a job, and I enjoy playing gentlemen because I can't be one in real life.

Aside from that, I also don't feel comfortable thinking in detail about me getting tortured, but I can remove myself from it if I think of it as a man getting tortured. I'm not pleased by it and specifically noted in my post that I'm making efforts to change that about myself. I'm also kind of insulted that your response essentially is to say "Well, I'm way more awesome than you!" since that's not really helpful, and just a little bit on the rude side-- it's not like it's a race, or anything. I'm sure your character's really awesome, but this isn't about a specific character and it's certainly not about "implying women can't have bad backstories". I'm sorry it seemed like that was what I was saying, but I didn't mean what you thought I meant, and I'm a little bothered you did.