BAHAHAHAA YESSS
Saturday, June 30th, 2012 12:00 pm
Saturday, June 30th, 2012
A dance performance and fear of being the "nice girl"
Saturday, June 30th, 2012 10:26 pmMom invited me over a month ago to join her tonight to watch a dance recital that her boss had invited her to. (As it turns out, her boss has been learning belly dancing and is excited about it. The belly dancing, as one might expect, looked pretty fun!)
As it turns out, the studio was founded by a lady who's had a couple of creepy cult experiences in her life (raised Mormon in Utah; was actually dragged into a cult by her mother when she was still a child after mom divorced her dad, which means she never attended any formal education, but was just taught to 'run the business' within the cult) and, after breaking away from them, became enamored of dance as a positive way of expressing herself. However, since she was so sheltered, one of her first dance experiences was learning pole dancing at a studio run by an actress who'd learned it for a film, or something, and she hadn't the faintest what pole-dancing and strip-clubs were.
On the one hand, it's a pretty neat idea to affirm one's sense of self and sexuality through turning something traditionally thought of as negative into a positive, confidence-building exercise done with friends who will not judge.
On the other hand, Madame Leader's studio model sure FEELS culty to me, and that's actually a big turn off for any social activity that I ever consider. I don't really dig the "welcoming" experience of being assured that there's a place for everyone, and that no matter what my skill level, body shape, etc. is, I'll be loved and praised just the same. I don't need that kind of support, emotionally; I feel pretty good about myself already, and when someone goes to such effort to remind me how much I'm a part of the group, I want to immediately distance myself from the group to affirm that I am a separate being, with valuable and individual desires, feelings, thoughts, personality. The group has historically done pretty poorly at representing my interests throughout life; the societal group affirms sexist behaviors that prevent me from getting a fair shake in certain aspects of life, and lead to my more privileged companions wondering why I complain so much about casual sexism in my everyday life; the school-group was completely okay with bullies trying to pick fights with me, people ganging up on me because they didn't like that I was taller than they were (ah, kids!), or ignoring my opinion when decisions about things like what our graduating colors and invites should be and say. In my experience, groups are often all about whoever's running the group, and what THEY want; what the individual wants isn't even asked, let alone addressed. So...as far as advertising goes, the cult stuff shone through even before the owner herself told us about her backstory.
Now, aside from all that, there was a third, problematic side that made me super uncomfortable.
I was watching women-- all of whom I found attractive, even though many of them had body image issues or were self-conscious about how they were older than twenty five-- pole dance, belly dance, and do non-stripping burlesque. And I think it's probably safe to say that the possibility that I might be sexually aroused by those dances never once entered into these women's heads. I had to avoid eye contact with dancers who were dancing close enough to meet my eyes-- not because I was embarrassed, but because I was terrified they would realize that I was essentially no different from the male gaze they sought to escape by inviting only women to their performances, and that they would feel betrayed.
Luckily, as cool as the dancey, not-so-sexually charged parts were, my mom doesn't want to sign up for a dance studio that's across town from her. It wouldn't be much of a drive for me, but it's not good for her to have to drive an hour in their car (which is preeetty old). So, it's not even really something I have to talk to my mom about; we both agreed 'nah, probably not' and I don't have to defend why I wouldn't be comfortable doing it. (Not that I think she'd have a problem either way; she knows I'm bisexual and might tease me about wanting to ogle hot girls, I guess. Teasing is her favorite pastime.)
It's not that I can't keep my hormones in check around pretty girls or anything of the sort, just the opposite: I would feel really awful if any of the girls realized I was into ladies, and felt betrayed or freaked out or whatever. I would totally love the opportunity to befriend and ogle them all, but I'm pretty sure that would make me the creep-o "nice guy" who only seeks friendship with pretty girls because he secretly wants to get in their pants. And I'm way uncomfortable with that.
If I get in any girl's pants, I want her to be fully aware I'm liable to do it from the get-go! And fully consenting! So there.
But, yeah. It was still cool. And since I've aired my concerns, I think that merits a guilt free mmmm, ladies shakin' pretty ass at me because hell yeah!
Now it's time to sleep a bit so I'm safe to drive to Sedona in the morning. Looking forward to it!
As it turns out, the studio was founded by a lady who's had a couple of creepy cult experiences in her life (raised Mormon in Utah; was actually dragged into a cult by her mother when she was still a child after mom divorced her dad, which means she never attended any formal education, but was just taught to 'run the business' within the cult) and, after breaking away from them, became enamored of dance as a positive way of expressing herself. However, since she was so sheltered, one of her first dance experiences was learning pole dancing at a studio run by an actress who'd learned it for a film, or something, and she hadn't the faintest what pole-dancing and strip-clubs were.
On the one hand, it's a pretty neat idea to affirm one's sense of self and sexuality through turning something traditionally thought of as negative into a positive, confidence-building exercise done with friends who will not judge.
On the other hand, Madame Leader's studio model sure FEELS culty to me, and that's actually a big turn off for any social activity that I ever consider. I don't really dig the "welcoming" experience of being assured that there's a place for everyone, and that no matter what my skill level, body shape, etc. is, I'll be loved and praised just the same. I don't need that kind of support, emotionally; I feel pretty good about myself already, and when someone goes to such effort to remind me how much I'm a part of the group, I want to immediately distance myself from the group to affirm that I am a separate being, with valuable and individual desires, feelings, thoughts, personality. The group has historically done pretty poorly at representing my interests throughout life; the societal group affirms sexist behaviors that prevent me from getting a fair shake in certain aspects of life, and lead to my more privileged companions wondering why I complain so much about casual sexism in my everyday life; the school-group was completely okay with bullies trying to pick fights with me, people ganging up on me because they didn't like that I was taller than they were (ah, kids!), or ignoring my opinion when decisions about things like what our graduating colors and invites should be and say. In my experience, groups are often all about whoever's running the group, and what THEY want; what the individual wants isn't even asked, let alone addressed. So...as far as advertising goes, the cult stuff shone through even before the owner herself told us about her backstory.
Now, aside from all that, there was a third, problematic side that made me super uncomfortable.
I was watching women-- all of whom I found attractive, even though many of them had body image issues or were self-conscious about how they were older than twenty five-- pole dance, belly dance, and do non-stripping burlesque. And I think it's probably safe to say that the possibility that I might be sexually aroused by those dances never once entered into these women's heads. I had to avoid eye contact with dancers who were dancing close enough to meet my eyes-- not because I was embarrassed, but because I was terrified they would realize that I was essentially no different from the male gaze they sought to escape by inviting only women to their performances, and that they would feel betrayed.
Luckily, as cool as the dancey, not-so-sexually charged parts were, my mom doesn't want to sign up for a dance studio that's across town from her. It wouldn't be much of a drive for me, but it's not good for her to have to drive an hour in their car (which is preeetty old). So, it's not even really something I have to talk to my mom about; we both agreed 'nah, probably not' and I don't have to defend why I wouldn't be comfortable doing it. (Not that I think she'd have a problem either way; she knows I'm bisexual and might tease me about wanting to ogle hot girls, I guess. Teasing is her favorite pastime.)
It's not that I can't keep my hormones in check around pretty girls or anything of the sort, just the opposite: I would feel really awful if any of the girls realized I was into ladies, and felt betrayed or freaked out or whatever. I would totally love the opportunity to befriend and ogle them all, but I'm pretty sure that would make me the creep-o "nice guy" who only seeks friendship with pretty girls because he secretly wants to get in their pants. And I'm way uncomfortable with that.
If I get in any girl's pants, I want her to be fully aware I'm liable to do it from the get-go! And fully consenting! So there.
But, yeah. It was still cool. And since I've aired my concerns, I think that merits a guilt free mmmm, ladies shakin' pretty ass at me because hell yeah!
Now it's time to sleep a bit so I'm safe to drive to Sedona in the morning. Looking forward to it!
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