I had a conversation today about James Bond

And now I'm going to have to take a stand here and say sorry, straight dudes, but you don't get to decide what straight women think is attractive. It doesn't fucking work that way. You don't get to decide what women who like women find attractive, and you don't get to decide what men who like men find attractive. You don't get to have the final say about what is hot and what is not when your sexual preferences have nothing to do with it.

This comes after a conversation with a coworker in which he insisted that he doesn't like Daniel Craig Bond because he's "not charming enough". This is a guy who prefers Roger Moore, and also cites Connery and Brosnan as the most charming Bonds. This is a guy who probably has never seen On Her Majesty's Secret Service. This guy says he doesn't like Craig Bond because he's not very charming, he's too serious.

This is a guy who adores those flat, pandering, self-important excuses for Batman films that Christopher Nolan churned out to help brainwash the masses into thinking that Big Businesspeople are the good guys. (Only slightly less on my shitlist for BULLSHIT BACKWARDS NONSENSE is 'Be Kind, Rewind', which is a conversation for another day.) Now, I don't hate the Nolan Batman movies, but I am really sick of hearing about them. And I don't think they're must-sees; I think they're a sad joke if you consider them at all representative of Batman as the icon, idea, concept, character, or person he is supposed to be based on his 70+ year legacy in comics, television, video games and movies. I definitely don't think Heath Ledger's performance was especially good, or even that interesting (since it is a blatant rehash of Jack Nicholson's performance in the Burton Batman films). If someone comes to talk movies with me, and praises those particular films, then I know to turn off my Actually Participate O-Meter, because this is not a person who is going to like the kinds of movies I like, nine times out of ten.

So I know that I shouldn't give a flying fuck what this guy thinks about James Bond, but I will NOT have some self-important GUY trying to tell ME which Bond is best. First, because I'm the one who's supposed to be attracted to Bond, so I get the final say here, not some guy who talks boredly about how his Wife Is Going To Drag Him To the Chick Flicks. And Second, because I have seen way more Bond movies than this guy, and I remember them better, and I have rankings and I have favorites and Daniel Craig is in Casino Royale, which is one of the best Bond movies. This guy, he doesn't like Casino Royale. I have yet to hear him express which one is actually his favorite. He looks confused when I talk about the merits of Goldfinger over Thunderball or From Russia with Love, or explain why Dr. No is kind of boring compared to everything that came afterward. He doesn't bat an eyelash when I mention that the problem with You Only Live Twice is the racism, but if you can ignore that, it's a pretty fun movie with one of the better themes-- because he doesn't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

So let's just get this straight. First, the best Bond movies are:

Connery - Goldfinger
Lazenby - On Her Majesty's Secret Service
Moore - Live and Let Die (Danny doesn't agree, but I liked this one a lot and haven't seen A View to A Kill yet)
Dalton - The Living Daylights
Brosnan - Goldeneye
Craig - Casino Royale (so far; who knows what Skyfall will be like)

And second, the only Bond who isn't charming is Moore, because he's just completely coldhearted. He sleeps with women and immediately kills them. He certainly doesn't flirt with them the way Craig does, let alone pursue them and angst over them and smile at them.

Harrumph! Case Closed!

The conversation did take a hilarious turn, however:

Guy: I'm not going to go see the new Twilight movie. My wife is trying to make me go, and I'm coming up with excuses why I can't already.
Dev: Yeah, I'm not familiar with those. By choice.
Guy: I haven't seen the third one--
Dev: [tries to keep a straight face]
Guy: So I'm not going to see the next one. I saw the first and second and they were terrible!
Dev: [CANNOT] AAAHahaha I thought you might say that she made you watch some already. Oh, man!
Guy: But enough is enough. I am not going to go.
Dev: In my head, right now, the movie of our lives is cutting to the theater, where you are sitting broodily and watching the latest Twilight movie. Just so you know.
Guy: ...oh, man.
Dev: If that does happen, you can come cry on my shoulder.
Guy: If it does, you can bet I'm going to!