Reasons you shouldn't drink coffee

[dev_chieftain]

1. Coffee breath.

2. I guess caffeine, which you get a lot of in a single cup. And potentially sugar or milk, which both aren't that great for you, but get put in coffee often.

3. Buuuut mostly coffee breath. Yuck!

~This PSA brought to you because of coworkers with coffee breath and trying to raise awareness of coffee breath everywhere.~

I'm mostly kidding-- I've no room to talk, because I probably have garlic breath like, all the time (ALL THE TIME) and I generally don't care unless cute girls call me on it-- but coffee breath especially grosses me out because it reminds me of one of the last times I was with my Aunt N. She warned me that the medication she was on for her cancer not only caused her a lot of pain, but gave her halitosis that smelled like coffee breath. She asked me to warn her if I could smell it, because she had breath mints for it; her own sense of smell had been lost during the chemo.

Some people describe the scent of illness as cloying and sweet, but I have been fortunate so far in my life not to have too many friends or family succumb to wasting illnesses. So the only memory I have of such a thing is one of something like coffee-breath. I dutifully reported when I could smell it, and got yelled at by my mother for being insensitive.

I consider this important to note when kissing is on the mind, too. I already personally find mouth-to-mouth kissing pretty gross, but add bad breath to it, and wow. It's one thing if you both ate a garlicky pizza- you're not gonna care. But if one of you smokes, or drinks coffee, or had an oniony subway sandwich right before, it's gonna be gross for the other.

In German theater, the sorority girl who I was playing opposite specifically kissed me in that third way during our love scene on the first day of rehearsals. It was less sexy than it looked, dear classmates of the past! I assure you!

Comments

[keylord]

You might want a more clear "This isn't about you, Dustin" in here, haha! The dude loves him his coffee!

[dev_chieftain]

I made it pretty clear I was talking about my coworkers, I thought! I only mentioned kissing because I started thinking about that girl with the onion breath. I like onions but I was still nice enough not to go eat them right before we had to kiss for class!

[keylord]

Yeah, I figured it was co-worker related based on the beginning, but only thought about Dustin when you mentioned coffee and kissing, haha, and I was like "Oh no, I hope he doesn't read this and get sad!"

[dev_chieftain]

Hey, if it means I get minty kisses, he should totally take my anti-coffee advice! :D I love mint. But yeah, I don't see why he would.

[keylord]

I also love mint... so much that I need to learn how to eat them in reasonable intervals so I don't buy a little container and devour the whole thing in 30 minutes!

[dev_chieftain]

Haha, yeah, eating a whole tin of mints is probably not the healthiest thing!

[keylord]

Also, did you tell your Mom that you were just following orders?

You totally should have!(and probably did!)

[dev_chieftain]

Of course I did. She still thought I was a jerkface.

[keylord]

I'm honestly shocked that your mom considered any teasing as insensitive, haha!

But I guess those were Special Circumstances(tm)!

[dev_chieftain]

As is usually the case with my mother, it's a dish/can't take scenario. It wasn't me teasing, either. It went like this:

Aunt: I am getting nasty breath from this medication, but I can't tell. Sometimes I sort of chew my lip and it smells pretty bad, your uncle has told me (shyly, as is his way). Please let me know if you smell it, I'll chew some gum to make it less oppressive.
Dev: Sure- sure, okay.

[Note that this was a depressing thing to be pulled aside before the drive for.]

[In the car, it smells like coffee breath. I realize, and nudge my aunt.]

Dev: Hey, remember you mentioned that thing? I can smell coffee breath, is that it?
Aunt: Oh, thanks.
Mom: OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO THAT. THAT IS SO RUDE.
Dev: ...what?
Mom: Just because you don't like something doesn't mean you should be rude to your aunt! She's your AUNT!
Dev: She asked me to tell her!
Aunt: It's okay, I did.
Mom: It's just rude.

[dev_chieftain]

So, you know, if you mean "emotionally probably pretty rough because her sister was dying of cancer", I guess those probably count as special circumstances. But it's not like I wasn't sad too.

[luco]

I understand that, even though I'm constantly drinking coffee. It's mostly a habit from college (kept me awake AND suppressed hunger) but I can't stand the taste of it in my mouth so I'm always brushing my teeth afterwards.

[dev_chieftain]

Yuck! Poor thing. I think if you brushed your teeth after it probably would mitigate the bad breath part. And like I said-- I'm always with the eating garlic and spicy things, so I need breath mints too. It's almost like the human body isn't designed to naturally smell all that nice, haha!