Entirely related - That is to say, Wisconsin's war on women starts with wages

[dev_chieftain]

Apparently Wisconsin has decided that women don't deserve equal pay to men; read all about it.

This is utter bullshit. This has to stop. Apathy and defeatism are the disgusting slugs in the belly of the internet.

I have some congressfolk to write.

Edit: Honestly, I read this one too the other day, and while I consider it more of an opinion piece, I still think it's important and accurate. I've definitely experienced what Valente is talking about here; I can say something MANY TIMES, but my companions-- male or female, but especially male-- will later say the same damn thing as if it is their unique and original idea.

This is not slapstick; this is extremely frustrating, this is being ignored, and this is being shunned and treated as a second class citizen.

Pointing this out repeatedly to Danny got him to start crediting me my ideas. It's easy when you're not the person being ripped off-- when you're not the artist whose work is being copied, or the author whose words are plagiarized-- to laugh and go 'what are these people even talking about? I guess I understand in theory, but it's not like it's that big a deal'.

Belittling the frustrations of other people-- laughing at them while also refusing to acknowledge that you are hurting them-- is no way to solve a problem. I'm very grateful that Danny eventually came around and started to point out when something is my idea. It makes me feel a LOT more willing to excitedly tell people when something is Danny's idea, as well.

But you know what still happens around the D&D table? Whenever it's my turn during a combat, I usually have to repeat myself four or five times. Especially if I have a question. This doesn't happen to the guys around the table, and I assure you, it's not because my voice is of a more dulcet tone. This is something I wish could be improved. Until it's acknowledged as a problem, however, it can't be fixed. And in the meantime, it is being ignored.

To immediately demonize a woman for daring to criticize someone else-- no matter who they are-- is criminal. It is an effort to silence that woman and keep her from speaking, and that is not a worthy or acceptable aim.

To ignore, shun, or laugh off a woman's input is equally criminal.

Listen to the people around you. All of them. Even the ones you don't like very much. We are all humans. We all deserve the right to speak, the right to live, and the right to try to make our lives better.

The government we have right now is doing a shit job of helping that to happen. We are entrenched in outdated notions of societal structure, and the importance of religious affiliation to societal integrity. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THAT from the ground up. Make it happen. Don't vote in politicians who're willing to do crap like this.

Please, listen to me. Listen to us. Women are people, not prizes, not children, not possessions.

And in a moderately related note, it is this attitude, this backwards creepy sexism, that makes me reject the 'marriage' custom. The ritual selling of the woman to the man, dolled up to look as attractive as possible so he will feel like he's getting something valuable? No thanks. I wouldn't inflict that one someone I love. I certainly wouldn't accept anyone who claimed to love me trying to inflict that on me.

Comments

[taithe]

Don't have time to write a lengthy reply, but :( at the fact that you get ignored at the D&D table. As much as I want to avoid stereotyping, maybe they ignore you because they're simply more comfortable being around other guys? (I've played games where it's just me or another girl with a group of dudes and the dynamic is usually pretty equal. When a person does get left out, it's more to do with personality -- awkward and quiet types get overrun by the loud and extroverted.)

Hmm, I disagree with you on marriage, mainly because I think it's overgeneralizing something that's evolved culturally and has meaning to many women beyond the traditional notions of patriarchy. Not to mention, the word "marriage" has value to some outside of the hetereonormative classification, so it seems unfair to discount marriage as purely a model for reinforcing heterosexual inequities when clearly it's expanding to fit new definitions. The fight for gay marriage isn't fighting for an outdated ritual -- it's to gain legal status and recognition as a couple. That isn't to say marriage isn't still used as a ritual for selling women in certain places, or that you aren't within your rights to reject it. But I hope you'll understand why I think marriage isn't necessarily a matter of "inflicting" as you put it.

(...hope that paragraph made sense. Sorry, my brain's still stuck in medical jargon.)

[dev_chieftain]

It mainly happens during combat, and after talking with Danny a bit I did identify why that happens. Basically, we've got some players who are obsessed with the rules, or just disrespectful and always only thinking of themselves. During combat, the game's supposed to break down to turn-based dialogue; the DM says to each person in order, 'what do you do?' and listens to that person and bam, problem solved. My issue is that I frequently have this happen:

DM: What do you do?
Dev: Okay, I'm going to cast fireball. *rolls damage* And that's 25 damage.
Other player: Hey, so if I grapple him, what are the rules for that?
DM: Oh, it's ....*they get into a side discussion*
Dev: 25 damage.
*they keep talking*
Dev: 25 damage, goddammit!
DM: Oh, I'm sorry. So what do you do?

(this is where I want to flip over the table!)

This doesn't JUST happen to me, and it is symptomatic of a bigger problem of player selfishness / disrespect toward other players, which Danny and I talked about since this usually happens in his games. Basically, I feel it's disrespectful to allow the player who speaks up to distract the GM from the combat. Instead of punishing the player who is doing what they're supposed to be doing, I think it's important to tell the player who's speaking out of turn in combat to wait until it's their turn and ignore them. So, having discussed that with Danny, he at least seems to plan to take it into account in future games. (I've been trying to tell him "the squeaky wheel gets the grease because I hate the squeaky sound" isn't an acceptable option for years, but I don't think he ever understood why that's such a shitty answer until yesterday.)

However, back to your comment: the thing is, I'm not awkward or quiet. I only get talked over when players interrupt the game to ask rules questions (usually apropos of nothing) or simply to talk about out-of-character stuff while the rest of us are in the middle of trying to talk to an NPC, so I think the problem probably lies with that, more than my gender.

Re: marriage. Being considered 'married' in the legal/couple rights sense is certainly not something that should be denied to anyone, as these are rights within our society, and refusing to allow people to have those rights based on their sexual orientation, race, or whatnot is wrong.

I would sooner accept an entirely new "joining" ritual, that comes without the societal connotations of marriage, the religious entitlement that leads to arguments over whether people who are 'different' deserve, or should be permitted, to be joined, and so on. I feel that there should be an entirely separate process to gain legal status and recognition as a couple, as much for women like me who are offended by the societal expectation that I will marry a man and take his last name instead of my own as for women who wish to marry women, or men who wish to marry men, or women who wish to marry multiple men and women. (There's also the matter of polyamory; legally, societally, my way of expressing myself sexually is either frowned upon or not even acknowledged.)