dev_chieftain (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dev_chieftain) wrote2012-04-15 01:47 am
dev_chieftain) wrote2012-04-15 01:47 am
Entry tags:
- d&d,
- essay,
- movies,
- personal,
- sweetgrove
Before I go to bed
1. Bra shopping
I had to get new bras, so I did that after work on Thursday. As is usually the case with needing to go into the store and being a large-breasted woman, I got to spend a humiliating hour dealing with the saleslady's very sweet but misplaced attempts to convince me that I could probably fit in a smaller bra and it really isn't me, it's the jerks who make the bras. This is sweet and all, but ultimately it's just upsetting. The simple answer to my question: Do you have X size (no, I really don't feel like comparing with anyone, thanks) in your store at all? was not "well, let's measure you and try a few other sizes to see if we can't put you in a smaller bra instead."
The upside: I was able to find something that will do for now and fits all right, though not as comfortably as the size they do not carry in their store.
The downside: I still felt like a piece of shit afterwards, and really upset about my body image. I don't honestly have a problem with the way I look, so I don't NEED someone to tell me sweetly "You're beautiful!" or "I still think you're pretty" or "I like you the way you are."
I like me the way I am too. I'm not someone with low self-esteem, okay? I don't need to be handled on eggshells. But if you knew how incredibly frustrating and demoralizing and irritating and hurtful it is to go into a store simply to purchase a societal necessity-- I cannot go around without clothes on, I have to wear something-- and all my life, even when I wasn't bigger than your average bear, to NOT FIT. That just has absolutely NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with stores, and I hate them, and I hate this society, and it is really hurtful and awful, and I don't want platitudes or anything. But it did make me sad. So, well. I wanted to make note of it, I guess.
2. Movie time with Emma
On Friday after work we met up with Emma to go see the movie Mirror Mirror. I wish I could say this movie was ambitious or exciting or new or different, but it's just a big generic kinda-sorta half-okay not-so-bad kind of deal. It is a romantic comedy, with Acceptable to the Average Audience levels of fantasy sprinkled in, and liberal doses of acidic and mean-spirited sarcasm, because, well, it's 'hip' to hate fairy tales and fantasy, even if you're in a story about them.
Cool things: Since it's steampunk Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Snow White and the dwarves are pretty awesome. The dwarves are, unsurprisingly, the best part of the movie. Snow White herself was okay. So was Julia Roberts as the evil queen, which seemed to be a fun role. Also, Nathan Lane was in the movie, so I was delighted by his presence. And one could almost miss it, but so was Sean Bean. This movie can be added to your very short list of things in which Sean Bean does not die. I would apologize for the spoiler, but I saw the twist coming from the intro of the movie, so I doubt it.
How could this movie have been better: I have three alternate versions of the movie that I would have been really interested to see. First, here's the way the movie actually sets itself up:
"I am the evil queen, and this is not Snow White's story, it's mine."
How it should have gone, option A: Snow White dies and is dead for most of the movie. It really is the Evil Queen's story. She's a dark, villainous oppressor, only opposed by the dwarves. She uses evil magicks to ensnare the prince, and the dwarves happen to awaken Snow White by chance, which allows her to save the day for an unexpected turnabout at the end.
How it should have gone, option B: Snow White's training montage with the dwarves is treated like it would have been in a movie with a male lead, and she kicks the prince's fucking ass in swordfighting instead of being nicely shuffled aside with abusive behavior by her future abusive boyfriend. The Evil Queen and Prince willingly team up together. Snow White frees her father entirely by accident, masses a proletariat army with the dwarves, and leads the kingdom to freedom and victory. (This is my favorite How It Should Have Gone, for the record.)
How it should have gone, option C: The Evil Queen immediately uses her love potion on the prince after meeting him. His aide, who went off to fetch his army, gold and clothes, returns to find his prince acting WAY strange. He goes off for help after being treated bad at the castle, and finds runaway Snow White with the dwarves. He beseeches their assistance, and Snow White falls in love with the assistant who is so devoted to his prince and fixing him. Comedy ensues as they do an elaborate heist in the palace to save the prince from himself, and then break the enchantment as per the actual movie.
How it should have gone, option D: The prince never reveals that he is a prince, sticking to his "I'm a commoner! now I order you to help me!" story, and discovers the depths of horror in the city. Snow White does not return to the castle, instead becoming entrenched in helping the magistrate try to free the city. They meet by chance on the same terms of caring about trying to help the peasants. Meanwhile, the Evil Queen is stuck marrying the baron she hates. She uses a love potion on him and has her own wacky adventures in court until surprisingly, seemingly from nowhere, the peasant rebellion hits the castle and takes her from power.
Further notes on how the movie could have been improved include the ending specifically. It was not a surprise for me, at least, that the beast was her father; I spent most of the movie hoping he'd just actually be dead because it'd be more interesting, darker, and more evident of how badass Julia Roberts's character actually was. Still, it turned out he was exactly what you'd expect, so so much for that.
I don't have complaints about this outcome, though. I just felt like it would have been better if, at the very least, Snow White had taken credit for the fact that she was the one who saved her father. Also, if Snow White's father had been too feral to immediately be friendly to strangers that were NOT Snow White. Or if Snow White had at least been shown on camera to express her own desire to marry the arrogant snotnosed self-absorbed high-and-mighty prince, who had already expressly physically abused her and told her she was silly when she decided to stand up for herself (the exact same type of verbal abuse the queen was doing to her, by the way).
I do not, will not, and think that you also should not accept "romance" if the definition of "romance" is "I say that I love this person, but I don't respect their personal desires, I just want to have them, like a shiny piece of gold to look at." But this is why I don't like romantic comedies.
Also, the dress designs were often very strange in the movie, and I thought it was weird how wildly the movie wheeled between different genres, as well as visual quality. Sometimes it was horrible slapstick that just wasn't funny; sometimes it was hilarious banter; sometimes it was cool action movie stuff, and sometimes it was hackneyed and unconvincing romance.
Well, that's not fair. Okay. Let me put it this way. I believe that the princess was fond of the prince. I believe that she was more fond of her father. And I don't believe he loved her. He loved the idea of having her around to look at, nothing more. He certainly didn't love being required to act like a gentleman instead of a jerk.
Some part of me really is annoyed by the movie for having the sweet reunited-with-dad-after-he-was-gone-for-years scene because that's very true and actually moving, and then tromping all over it to immediately pull out a not-one-bit-original (or fantasy-settingish) wedding scene which I apparently was supposed to find MORE heart-warming. Yuck. I wish Mulan ended at the line that makes me cry, but this movie didn't even have that.
I will say it tried a little, though, and Sean Bean does know how to tug at the heartstrings a bit.
Movie could have used more dwarf scenes. They were seriously the best part.
Oh! And who put in the drawn out "attacked by badly animated CGI puppets" scene? Seriously, that was just-- not funny or entertaining. It just felt long to sit through.
Final complaint: Just say the whole name. "Snow" is a dumb nickname. Every time someone called her Snow, I wanted to reach through the screen and punch them.
Interesting note: I did have dreams the following morning that involved being pestered by the robot other-self of Julia Roberts, who I kept grabbing by the head to snap her neck. She unfortunately kept reappearing and butting in on whatever it was I was doing in my dream, so I kept doing it. It wasn't a violent or evil act in the dream, but it felt odd to have been dreaming about something like that when I woke up. Mostly I was frustrated that it required so much effort, but wasn't permanent because she was a robot.
3. The neighbors
I met our actual neighbor last night. The one who was screaming for help the night I called.
She, as we suspected, thought we were making ALL of the 911 calls, and that we were complaining about noise, and I explained what had happened. Why I had called, and only called once.
She told me how upset she was. (She was a little tipsy and holding an open can of Bud Light, so probably feeling pretty vulnerable.) She's trying to get her son back. She was trying to do a nice thing for friends of hers across the street who'd been evicted by letting them stay at her place. These friends are the ones who fight all the time and have gotten her the eviction notice. These friends are the ones whose presence have led to her boyfriend abusing her, and beating her the night I called. These friends left pot in her apartment, which nearly got her arrested.
I told her how upset I had been that the police did nothing to help her, and that I had called because I was worried about her; never about the noise. Never because I would want to kick someone out of their home.
She said, "I don't know where I'm going to go. And it just-- sucks. Because I never even got to properly introduce myself to you guys, you know? I didn't want to be the shitty neighbor."
I held out my hand and told her my name.
She shook my hand and told me hers.
I told her I hope things get better for her. Soon.
Her boyfriend came home while we were talking, and after he went into her apartment, she leaned in and whispered,
"I'm really glad you did call. Thank you. I'm really glad you did."
And then I cried for a while. I'm really glad I called, too. Even if the police didn't do anything to help her, even if I've contributed to any of the bad stuff, even if we have to live in fear until the eviction is done.
Maybe it made some tiny difference for her to know that someone heard her and cared. I really hope so.
I don't know how to do better than what I tried to do. I can't offer her a place to stay, or a way out. I wish there was something concrete I could do. I do think I might start volunteering somewhere, or at least look more heavily into jobs where I could help people who are really in need, more like this. I had already looked a little, but I was being kind of a wuss about it and letting myself be chased off by the fact that I don't have the prerequisite qualifications yet. Maybe I can get them.
4. D&D
I am still mopey now, and was definitely mopey in the morning, with regards to the conversation I had with the neighbor. D&D fortunately was scheduled for today though, and that helped to keep my mind off of it for the most part. (It's pretty hard to be mopey when your friends are being awesome at you.) We did start late because Bret bailed on us without letting us know earlier in the day, so we were waiting for him to show up; but we had a blast. The group we ended up with has a great dynamic!
Most of the session was spent alternately kicking ass and making fun of the Ice King-- er, Winter King, but we couldn't resist calling him Ice King, really-- as we explored his mysterious castle and took out his creepy army. The gist of things was, back in Sweetgrove, winter had mysteriously started out in the middle of late spring, and everyone was puzzled by the sudden, unseasonal snow. A magic flying boat full of undead warriors crashlanded in town and started attacking everyone. By the time Tamli and Charlie drove off the jerks, they'd already killed a guy; and it turned out that the winter would be eternal if we couldn't return the Ice King's scepter.
We did end up returning it, but then the guy had the gall to ask us to kneel before him. While Charlie politely gave it a shot, Tamli, Alice and Damien were having none of that, and with Charlie's reluctant assistance we were able to trash him. (A lot of this session involved Tamli shouting victoriously over fallen foes, Charlie neatly and efficiently clobbering things when they least expected it, Alice wearing the mysterious Ice Crown and sneaking around in the nude, and Damien discerning magical secrets with his keen eyes and other senses. There was also a point where Damien breathed fire for a bit, which was awesome!)
When we got back, Tamli rushed off to the church to resurrect the civilian who'd been downed by the undead soldiers. She'll be spending the next two weeks helping work the poor guy's farm while he rests up. That frees up Fletcher to be available to help the town guard, who Danny hilariously joked are close to installing a Batman-esque signal with a bow and arrow on to summon him.
Ultimately, we returned back home richer, but it took us long enough that a big group dinner was needed to refuel us afterward.
Tomorrow I get to see my brother, since he's in town. I'm very excited to see him! He also sent me a mystery text around midnight...curious!
I had to get new bras, so I did that after work on Thursday. As is usually the case with needing to go into the store and being a large-breasted woman, I got to spend a humiliating hour dealing with the saleslady's very sweet but misplaced attempts to convince me that I could probably fit in a smaller bra and it really isn't me, it's the jerks who make the bras. This is sweet and all, but ultimately it's just upsetting. The simple answer to my question: Do you have X size (no, I really don't feel like comparing with anyone, thanks) in your store at all? was not "well, let's measure you and try a few other sizes to see if we can't put you in a smaller bra instead."
The upside: I was able to find something that will do for now and fits all right, though not as comfortably as the size they do not carry in their store.
The downside: I still felt like a piece of shit afterwards, and really upset about my body image. I don't honestly have a problem with the way I look, so I don't NEED someone to tell me sweetly "You're beautiful!" or "I still think you're pretty" or "I like you the way you are."
I like me the way I am too. I'm not someone with low self-esteem, okay? I don't need to be handled on eggshells. But if you knew how incredibly frustrating and demoralizing and irritating and hurtful it is to go into a store simply to purchase a societal necessity-- I cannot go around without clothes on, I have to wear something-- and all my life, even when I wasn't bigger than your average bear, to NOT FIT. That just has absolutely NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with stores, and I hate them, and I hate this society, and it is really hurtful and awful, and I don't want platitudes or anything. But it did make me sad. So, well. I wanted to make note of it, I guess.
2. Movie time with Emma
On Friday after work we met up with Emma to go see the movie Mirror Mirror. I wish I could say this movie was ambitious or exciting or new or different, but it's just a big generic kinda-sorta half-okay not-so-bad kind of deal. It is a romantic comedy, with Acceptable to the Average Audience levels of fantasy sprinkled in, and liberal doses of acidic and mean-spirited sarcasm, because, well, it's 'hip' to hate fairy tales and fantasy, even if you're in a story about them.
Cool things: Since it's steampunk Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, Snow White and the dwarves are pretty awesome. The dwarves are, unsurprisingly, the best part of the movie. Snow White herself was okay. So was Julia Roberts as the evil queen, which seemed to be a fun role. Also, Nathan Lane was in the movie, so I was delighted by his presence. And one could almost miss it, but so was Sean Bean. This movie can be added to your very short list of things in which Sean Bean does not die. I would apologize for the spoiler, but I saw the twist coming from the intro of the movie, so I doubt it.
How could this movie have been better: I have three alternate versions of the movie that I would have been really interested to see. First, here's the way the movie actually sets itself up:
"I am the evil queen, and this is not Snow White's story, it's mine."
How it should have gone, option A: Snow White dies and is dead for most of the movie. It really is the Evil Queen's story. She's a dark, villainous oppressor, only opposed by the dwarves. She uses evil magicks to ensnare the prince, and the dwarves happen to awaken Snow White by chance, which allows her to save the day for an unexpected turnabout at the end.
How it should have gone, option B: Snow White's training montage with the dwarves is treated like it would have been in a movie with a male lead, and she kicks the prince's fucking ass in swordfighting instead of being nicely shuffled aside with abusive behavior by her future abusive boyfriend. The Evil Queen and Prince willingly team up together. Snow White frees her father entirely by accident, masses a proletariat army with the dwarves, and leads the kingdom to freedom and victory. (This is my favorite How It Should Have Gone, for the record.)
How it should have gone, option C: The Evil Queen immediately uses her love potion on the prince after meeting him. His aide, who went off to fetch his army, gold and clothes, returns to find his prince acting WAY strange. He goes off for help after being treated bad at the castle, and finds runaway Snow White with the dwarves. He beseeches their assistance, and Snow White falls in love with the assistant who is so devoted to his prince and fixing him. Comedy ensues as they do an elaborate heist in the palace to save the prince from himself, and then break the enchantment as per the actual movie.
How it should have gone, option D: The prince never reveals that he is a prince, sticking to his "I'm a commoner! now I order you to help me!" story, and discovers the depths of horror in the city. Snow White does not return to the castle, instead becoming entrenched in helping the magistrate try to free the city. They meet by chance on the same terms of caring about trying to help the peasants. Meanwhile, the Evil Queen is stuck marrying the baron she hates. She uses a love potion on him and has her own wacky adventures in court until surprisingly, seemingly from nowhere, the peasant rebellion hits the castle and takes her from power.
Further notes on how the movie could have been improved include the ending specifically. It was not a surprise for me, at least, that the beast was her father; I spent most of the movie hoping he'd just actually be dead because it'd be more interesting, darker, and more evident of how badass Julia Roberts's character actually was. Still, it turned out he was exactly what you'd expect, so so much for that.
I don't have complaints about this outcome, though. I just felt like it would have been better if, at the very least, Snow White had taken credit for the fact that she was the one who saved her father. Also, if Snow White's father had been too feral to immediately be friendly to strangers that were NOT Snow White. Or if Snow White had at least been shown on camera to express her own desire to marry the arrogant snotnosed self-absorbed high-and-mighty prince, who had already expressly physically abused her and told her she was silly when she decided to stand up for herself (the exact same type of verbal abuse the queen was doing to her, by the way).
I do not, will not, and think that you also should not accept "romance" if the definition of "romance" is "I say that I love this person, but I don't respect their personal desires, I just want to have them, like a shiny piece of gold to look at." But this is why I don't like romantic comedies.
Also, the dress designs were often very strange in the movie, and I thought it was weird how wildly the movie wheeled between different genres, as well as visual quality. Sometimes it was horrible slapstick that just wasn't funny; sometimes it was hilarious banter; sometimes it was cool action movie stuff, and sometimes it was hackneyed and unconvincing romance.
Well, that's not fair. Okay. Let me put it this way. I believe that the princess was fond of the prince. I believe that she was more fond of her father. And I don't believe he loved her. He loved the idea of having her around to look at, nothing more. He certainly didn't love being required to act like a gentleman instead of a jerk.
Some part of me really is annoyed by the movie for having the sweet reunited-with-dad-after-he-was-gone-for-years scene because that's very true and actually moving, and then tromping all over it to immediately pull out a not-one-bit-original (or fantasy-settingish) wedding scene which I apparently was supposed to find MORE heart-warming. Yuck. I wish Mulan ended at the line that makes me cry, but this movie didn't even have that.
I will say it tried a little, though, and Sean Bean does know how to tug at the heartstrings a bit.
Movie could have used more dwarf scenes. They were seriously the best part.
Oh! And who put in the drawn out "attacked by badly animated CGI puppets" scene? Seriously, that was just-- not funny or entertaining. It just felt long to sit through.
Final complaint: Just say the whole name. "Snow" is a dumb nickname. Every time someone called her Snow, I wanted to reach through the screen and punch them.
Interesting note: I did have dreams the following morning that involved being pestered by the robot other-self of Julia Roberts, who I kept grabbing by the head to snap her neck. She unfortunately kept reappearing and butting in on whatever it was I was doing in my dream, so I kept doing it. It wasn't a violent or evil act in the dream, but it felt odd to have been dreaming about something like that when I woke up. Mostly I was frustrated that it required so much effort, but wasn't permanent because she was a robot.
3. The neighbors
I met our actual neighbor last night. The one who was screaming for help the night I called.
She, as we suspected, thought we were making ALL of the 911 calls, and that we were complaining about noise, and I explained what had happened. Why I had called, and only called once.
She told me how upset she was. (She was a little tipsy and holding an open can of Bud Light, so probably feeling pretty vulnerable.) She's trying to get her son back. She was trying to do a nice thing for friends of hers across the street who'd been evicted by letting them stay at her place. These friends are the ones who fight all the time and have gotten her the eviction notice. These friends are the ones whose presence have led to her boyfriend abusing her, and beating her the night I called. These friends left pot in her apartment, which nearly got her arrested.
I told her how upset I had been that the police did nothing to help her, and that I had called because I was worried about her; never about the noise. Never because I would want to kick someone out of their home.
She said, "I don't know where I'm going to go. And it just-- sucks. Because I never even got to properly introduce myself to you guys, you know? I didn't want to be the shitty neighbor."
I held out my hand and told her my name.
She shook my hand and told me hers.
I told her I hope things get better for her. Soon.
Her boyfriend came home while we were talking, and after he went into her apartment, she leaned in and whispered,
"I'm really glad you did call. Thank you. I'm really glad you did."
And then I cried for a while. I'm really glad I called, too. Even if the police didn't do anything to help her, even if I've contributed to any of the bad stuff, even if we have to live in fear until the eviction is done.
Maybe it made some tiny difference for her to know that someone heard her and cared. I really hope so.
I don't know how to do better than what I tried to do. I can't offer her a place to stay, or a way out. I wish there was something concrete I could do. I do think I might start volunteering somewhere, or at least look more heavily into jobs where I could help people who are really in need, more like this. I had already looked a little, but I was being kind of a wuss about it and letting myself be chased off by the fact that I don't have the prerequisite qualifications yet. Maybe I can get them.
4. D&D
I am still mopey now, and was definitely mopey in the morning, with regards to the conversation I had with the neighbor. D&D fortunately was scheduled for today though, and that helped to keep my mind off of it for the most part. (It's pretty hard to be mopey when your friends are being awesome at you.) We did start late because Bret bailed on us without letting us know earlier in the day, so we were waiting for him to show up; but we had a blast. The group we ended up with has a great dynamic!
Most of the session was spent alternately kicking ass and making fun of the Ice King-- er, Winter King, but we couldn't resist calling him Ice King, really-- as we explored his mysterious castle and took out his creepy army. The gist of things was, back in Sweetgrove, winter had mysteriously started out in the middle of late spring, and everyone was puzzled by the sudden, unseasonal snow. A magic flying boat full of undead warriors crashlanded in town and started attacking everyone. By the time Tamli and Charlie drove off the jerks, they'd already killed a guy; and it turned out that the winter would be eternal if we couldn't return the Ice King's scepter.
We did end up returning it, but then the guy had the gall to ask us to kneel before him. While Charlie politely gave it a shot, Tamli, Alice and Damien were having none of that, and with Charlie's reluctant assistance we were able to trash him. (A lot of this session involved Tamli shouting victoriously over fallen foes, Charlie neatly and efficiently clobbering things when they least expected it, Alice wearing the mysterious Ice Crown and sneaking around in the nude, and Damien discerning magical secrets with his keen eyes and other senses. There was also a point where Damien breathed fire for a bit, which was awesome!)
When we got back, Tamli rushed off to the church to resurrect the civilian who'd been downed by the undead soldiers. She'll be spending the next two weeks helping work the poor guy's farm while he rests up. That frees up Fletcher to be available to help the town guard, who Danny hilariously joked are close to installing a Batman-esque signal with a bow and arrow on to summon him.
Ultimately, we returned back home richer, but it took us long enough that a big group dinner was needed to refuel us afterward.
Tomorrow I get to see my brother, since he's in town. I'm very excited to see him! He also sent me a mystery text around midnight...curious!