dev_chieftain (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dev_chieftain) wrote2012-03-07 10:10 am
dev_chieftain) wrote2012-03-07 10:10 am
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On my mind: Unintentional sexism in tabletop RPGs
Earlier, Danny mentioned to me that Zak S of playing D&D with porn stars had posted in response to a poorly drawn, sexist comic marginalizing gamer girls as either fake (sexy gamer girls) or disgusting (smelly gamer girls obsessed with their games; ie, the lady nerd). Unrelated to my feelings on the comic in question (which summarily end at 'Oh, stereotyping. You know nothing, but you think you know everything!'), this got me to thinking about the Golarion RPG setting, past games I've played with the guys, and the way female characters get portrayed in general.
I recently made a footnote to a post explaining why I rarely play female characters in tabletop. The ugly reason is: I feel more comfortable playing dudes. I'm a lady myself, but I like the challenge of playing a dude. Am I buying into the social fallacy that unless I'm a dude I can have no agency? Maybe, which is what bugs me. So, I'm making the effort to play girls in upcoming games (Scarpur, the foul-tempered lady kobold; and then Aigua, the whimsical adventuring lady monk) who are specifically not the genre standard. They're not ugly, but they're not pretty. They're not young. I play old guys, why not play old girls? I figure I need to make an effort to change that, because I have a problem with it, which means I have a problem with me.
But I'm not the only one who has trouble portraying non-standard girls! So I think about it a lot. For example, let's talk about Golarion. I think the setting is pretty awesome. It's based around science and pseudoscience, with liberal borrowing from awesome speculative thought in the late 1800's and early 1900's; there's all sorts of neato nations and histories in the setting. I bought setting books for Pathfinder before the game was even out because I was curious about it.
There are also NPCs in this setting, with plot hooks just begging to be used. Danny recently started reading up on Golarion (which is awesome) and was telling me about some of the stuff he'd read last night, including an NPC with a very interesting backstory. She was brought back as an undead leader for a region, meant to control it; however, her organs were removed before she was revived, and anyone who's holding one of her organs can control her. Pretty creepy and awesome, right? Nothing about this is gender specific.
Oh, but also, she was a prostitute before she died.
Now it's certainly not Danny's fault, and I wouldn't be surprised if he just omitted that detail anyway, should he decide to run in Golarion and use this character, but really? She was brought back to life to run nations and she couldn't have been...a thief who was murdered for stealing? A mercenary who people respected and revered? A political leader? A poor farmer? A nobody seamstress or something? She's a prostitute. Really.
This is the first place that female NPCs get dragged, in a lot of situations, and it's not always the same people calling the shots, but it's treated like an acceptable job function that is just a natural part of being female by a lot of people in the tabletop world, and I don't really like it. If you say 'okay, so where are the male prostitutes?', most people laugh and think you're joking. Or hey, if you were to play a male prostitute, you'd still be a joke character by their definition, even if you played it seriously. Because men don't get defaulted to prostitution. Apparently, women don't come with marketable skills beyond 'sex for cash'. Men do, but women don't.
And that is bullshit.
I can think of plenty of situations where this has come up in games where I was playing alongside someone who thought it was totally reasonable to want to play a lady prostitute. Did it ever occur to them that they could have played a lady...something else? Or a male prostitute once in a while to even things out? I don't know. I assume that they didn't know or mean any harm because in most cases these are people I consider to be my friends and companions. I like them.
The one time I did play in a game with someone playing a male prostitute, he was a cat-boy ex-sex-slave, and he was played by a fellow lady at the table. He also was in a homoerotic relationship with the male leader of the party; that game was silly and fun, and I have really fond memories of it.
In a one-shot Vampire game, one of our players played a "business woman" Malkavian vampire who used her talents to make herself look sexy and human so she could fuck her way to the top. On top of this, she was subject to the Malkavian problem "generally clinically insane", so she wore a business suit but was actually just a prostitute who didn't know it.
In another game, one player who we ended up not inviting to the game wanted to play a Pathfinder Gnome lady. Except, he wanted her to be a prostitute after having been The Shit in her hometown (where here, 'The Shit' means 'Original Character Fiction levels of awesome'). Why? Because when she left her hometown, she left behind her fabulous wealth and friends, and needed to make money and get by somehow, so she fell back on her "talents". (For the record, one of the reasons he was not included in the game proper was this bad character concept; but it wasn't the only reason.)
In yet another game, the same player with the gnome decided he wanted to play a young woman who was extremely sexualized. He regularly informed us that his character had scratches all over again from having wild sex with her werewolf boyfriend, who was still in werewolf form when they did it. The worst of this character showed up when, during a dream sequence where we had to awaken to our true identities from pseudo-selves the dream had assigned us based on what it thought would make us happy, he informed us that his now-schoolgirl character 'just fucked the teachers when they called her to task at school' in the dream. When called on this, he informed us that he did so because that was just how girls get through high school. You can imagine how awkward it was for us all to be at the table with that statement hanging in the air.
I wish I could say that this player was always a jerk and write him off, but he is only this bad sometimes, and he does have other problems that exacerbate his issues. One of them, as you might imagine, is misogyny. As my friend, I do want to defend him, and to believe that he can improve. I know he's been better lately; in the current game he has even gracefully accepted being transformed (by accident!) into an ogre woman without making any nasty remarks. Still, as a woman, I'd like to see more positive female characters in tabletop, not less. These are all examples of players who I still play with by my own volition, so what I'm saying is, these aren't the worst: these are just 'the bad'. This idea that women, at the base of 'what do women do to get by', are prostitutes, bothers me a lot. Not least of all because I like sex, and think that liking sex shouldn't be something people consider remarkable anymore than they consider liking special kinds of foods remarkable.
So lady characters in general. I'm trying to take myself to task over playing male characters most of the time. For example, here's every female character I've ever actually played.
I started with Liz. She was stupid, but not sexualized. The joke was, she had once been a dog, but a magical accident turned her into a half human. She hated that, and wanted to become a dog again, to go back to when life had been simpler. The caveat was, she could only become more human and smarter.
Several years later, there was Mirzam. Finally, another girl! Mirzam was a young magician and favored daughter of a horsebreeding family in the Anima setting, with adoration for her stunted-growth friend Ariadne and her heart in the right place. How can I best describe Mirzam? She barely had any character at all. She was air-headed, and an air-themed magician. Literally.
Then Matachin. Matachin was a rude elf-druid from Sigil who didn't bathe and talked a foul streak a mile wide. Oh, and a pathological liar. The game was so short I unfortunately didn't have time to do much else with her.
Most recently, there was Sri, an ex-sailor turned slave Barbarian who was bought as a bodyguard by another PC at the start of the game, and ended up constantly bossing her mistress around. Sri was the oldest member of the party at thirty, and not particularly remarkable for her physical appearance. I feel like she was a step in the right direction for me with female character variety.
Now, I don't want to seem like I'm saying it's bad to play characters that are sexual ladies. Would it have been okay to be porny with these characters? Totally, yes. There's no reason I couldn't get porny about ANY of my characters. Even the old men. Or the weird little gnome things. Or my old lady kobold. Hawt hawt kobold on kobold action!
So long as it actually made sense for the character, I would be willing to mention their sexual proclivities and even have them come up. The whys and hows are simple: It's fun to play a guy or girl who sees a sexy vision, and totally falls for it. A large percentage of the monsters in D&D, for example, figure heavily around "seduce people to trick them: now eat them". Thus, should sexy funtimes be mentioned in D&D? Sure, if you and your players are comfortable with it. I just want to see sexy funtimes be an option, not an assumption, for what's part and parcel with a lady character. I'd like to think that a lot of folks out there agree.
Edit: Associated icon for this post now 15% more appropriate?
I recently made a footnote to a post explaining why I rarely play female characters in tabletop. The ugly reason is: I feel more comfortable playing dudes. I'm a lady myself, but I like the challenge of playing a dude. Am I buying into the social fallacy that unless I'm a dude I can have no agency? Maybe, which is what bugs me. So, I'm making the effort to play girls in upcoming games (Scarpur, the foul-tempered lady kobold; and then Aigua, the whimsical adventuring lady monk) who are specifically not the genre standard. They're not ugly, but they're not pretty. They're not young. I play old guys, why not play old girls? I figure I need to make an effort to change that, because I have a problem with it, which means I have a problem with me.
But I'm not the only one who has trouble portraying non-standard girls! So I think about it a lot. For example, let's talk about Golarion. I think the setting is pretty awesome. It's based around science and pseudoscience, with liberal borrowing from awesome speculative thought in the late 1800's and early 1900's; there's all sorts of neato nations and histories in the setting. I bought setting books for Pathfinder before the game was even out because I was curious about it.
There are also NPCs in this setting, with plot hooks just begging to be used. Danny recently started reading up on Golarion (which is awesome) and was telling me about some of the stuff he'd read last night, including an NPC with a very interesting backstory. She was brought back as an undead leader for a region, meant to control it; however, her organs were removed before she was revived, and anyone who's holding one of her organs can control her. Pretty creepy and awesome, right? Nothing about this is gender specific.
Oh, but also, she was a prostitute before she died.
Now it's certainly not Danny's fault, and I wouldn't be surprised if he just omitted that detail anyway, should he decide to run in Golarion and use this character, but really? She was brought back to life to run nations and she couldn't have been...a thief who was murdered for stealing? A mercenary who people respected and revered? A political leader? A poor farmer? A nobody seamstress or something? She's a prostitute. Really.
This is the first place that female NPCs get dragged, in a lot of situations, and it's not always the same people calling the shots, but it's treated like an acceptable job function that is just a natural part of being female by a lot of people in the tabletop world, and I don't really like it. If you say 'okay, so where are the male prostitutes?', most people laugh and think you're joking. Or hey, if you were to play a male prostitute, you'd still be a joke character by their definition, even if you played it seriously. Because men don't get defaulted to prostitution. Apparently, women don't come with marketable skills beyond 'sex for cash'. Men do, but women don't.
And that is bullshit.
I can think of plenty of situations where this has come up in games where I was playing alongside someone who thought it was totally reasonable to want to play a lady prostitute. Did it ever occur to them that they could have played a lady...something else? Or a male prostitute once in a while to even things out? I don't know. I assume that they didn't know or mean any harm because in most cases these are people I consider to be my friends and companions. I like them.
The one time I did play in a game with someone playing a male prostitute, he was a cat-boy ex-sex-slave, and he was played by a fellow lady at the table. He also was in a homoerotic relationship with the male leader of the party; that game was silly and fun, and I have really fond memories of it.
In a one-shot Vampire game, one of our players played a "business woman" Malkavian vampire who used her talents to make herself look sexy and human so she could fuck her way to the top. On top of this, she was subject to the Malkavian problem "generally clinically insane", so she wore a business suit but was actually just a prostitute who didn't know it.
In another game, one player who we ended up not inviting to the game wanted to play a Pathfinder Gnome lady. Except, he wanted her to be a prostitute after having been The Shit in her hometown (where here, 'The Shit' means 'Original Character Fiction levels of awesome'). Why? Because when she left her hometown, she left behind her fabulous wealth and friends, and needed to make money and get by somehow, so she fell back on her "talents". (For the record, one of the reasons he was not included in the game proper was this bad character concept; but it wasn't the only reason.)
In yet another game, the same player with the gnome decided he wanted to play a young woman who was extremely sexualized. He regularly informed us that his character had scratches all over again from having wild sex with her werewolf boyfriend, who was still in werewolf form when they did it. The worst of this character showed up when, during a dream sequence where we had to awaken to our true identities from pseudo-selves the dream had assigned us based on what it thought would make us happy, he informed us that his now-schoolgirl character 'just fucked the teachers when they called her to task at school' in the dream. When called on this, he informed us that he did so because that was just how girls get through high school. You can imagine how awkward it was for us all to be at the table with that statement hanging in the air.
I wish I could say that this player was always a jerk and write him off, but he is only this bad sometimes, and he does have other problems that exacerbate his issues. One of them, as you might imagine, is misogyny. As my friend, I do want to defend him, and to believe that he can improve. I know he's been better lately; in the current game he has even gracefully accepted being transformed (by accident!) into an ogre woman without making any nasty remarks. Still, as a woman, I'd like to see more positive female characters in tabletop, not less. These are all examples of players who I still play with by my own volition, so what I'm saying is, these aren't the worst: these are just 'the bad'. This idea that women, at the base of 'what do women do to get by', are prostitutes, bothers me a lot. Not least of all because I like sex, and think that liking sex shouldn't be something people consider remarkable anymore than they consider liking special kinds of foods remarkable.
So lady characters in general. I'm trying to take myself to task over playing male characters most of the time. For example, here's every female character I've ever actually played.
I started with Liz. She was stupid, but not sexualized. The joke was, she had once been a dog, but a magical accident turned her into a half human. She hated that, and wanted to become a dog again, to go back to when life had been simpler. The caveat was, she could only become more human and smarter.
Several years later, there was Mirzam. Finally, another girl! Mirzam was a young magician and favored daughter of a horsebreeding family in the Anima setting, with adoration for her stunted-growth friend Ariadne and her heart in the right place. How can I best describe Mirzam? She barely had any character at all. She was air-headed, and an air-themed magician. Literally.
Then Matachin. Matachin was a rude elf-druid from Sigil who didn't bathe and talked a foul streak a mile wide. Oh, and a pathological liar. The game was so short I unfortunately didn't have time to do much else with her.
Most recently, there was Sri, an ex-sailor turned slave Barbarian who was bought as a bodyguard by another PC at the start of the game, and ended up constantly bossing her mistress around. Sri was the oldest member of the party at thirty, and not particularly remarkable for her physical appearance. I feel like she was a step in the right direction for me with female character variety.
Now, I don't want to seem like I'm saying it's bad to play characters that are sexual ladies. Would it have been okay to be porny with these characters? Totally, yes. There's no reason I couldn't get porny about ANY of my characters. Even the old men. Or the weird little gnome things. Or my old lady kobold. Hawt hawt kobold on kobold action!
So long as it actually made sense for the character, I would be willing to mention their sexual proclivities and even have them come up. The whys and hows are simple: It's fun to play a guy or girl who sees a sexy vision, and totally falls for it. A large percentage of the monsters in D&D, for example, figure heavily around "seduce people to trick them: now eat them". Thus, should sexy funtimes be mentioned in D&D? Sure, if you and your players are comfortable with it. I just want to see sexy funtimes be an option, not an assumption, for what's part and parcel with a lady character. I'd like to think that a lot of folks out there agree.
Edit: Associated icon for this post now 15% more appropriate?
no subject
But yeah my problem with your last friend is how often it occurs with his characters. It's one thing they've done if it makes it work for their character but when you do it over and over, it makes one concerned about their motivation for doing it.
Also the an aspect that bothers me, that sex workers can only work if they're attractive. You aren't going to see a lot of non-standard body-types and faces couple with a sex worker, most the time they're described as being attractive in the realms of current expectations of beauty. So not only is it a perpetuation that it's the only thing 'beautiful' women can do, as though if you're attractive that's the only acceptable line of work and if you're not attractive, you're not supposed to be in that line of work even if they want to be.
But yes, I agree that aspect that sex should be an option, not an assumption.
no subject
This is definitely true. What's strange about this friend is, he picked up sexism following a bad divorce. His ex-wife did everything she could to hurt him, and I can understand WHY he's hurting, you know? But his reaction-- to type all women as evil-- was really offensive to me, and none of the other guys were comfortable with it either, to the point that we didn't invite him back for a while, and when he did return, we required him to play a guy. He HAS been better, but it's also been a few years since the divorce now, instead of only a few months.
Yes! This is SO true! And so frustrating, also. Not only must all women be pretty, all pretty women must be prostitutes. And certainly an ugly woman can't be because who'd want to sleep with that? It only furthers the stereotype that all women have to be young and beautiful. That's one of the things that irritates me the most about it all; people won't play older characters in tabletop just in general, sure, but I also notice that a lot of people player younger women than they do men, and the women are almost always pretty. It's not a requirement to go outside of that, but I do feel like for me, it should be, to try and break that darn stereotype.
As for Scarpur: she is from the Dark Sun setting on Athiss. She became a druid there because the gods have abandoned the planet to become a scalding desert wasteland, but natural magic is still present. Since we built the characters straight up for a module, I made her someone who's practiced nature magic her whole life and hates the gods that abandoned her world. (Thus, she's willing to do the module plot, which is 'kill a god'.) Her backstory, insofar as I've had a chance to do anything with it, is that she was cast out of her clan at an early age because they feared her affinity for nature magic. She became a crazy recluse and immersed herself in study and meditation, only coming out to drive people away from the wildlands she had deemed under her protection. She basically takes care of the tattered remnants of what was a forest, eons ago, and is now sort of a scraggly memory of one. The forest animals know they can trust her to protect them, but she doesn't have a whole lot of friends otherwise. She's a very grouchy, snappish kobold! It's fun.